


Kingsman: The Other Stories

by mongoose_bite



Series: Crunchy's fic [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 20:04:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 7,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mongoose_bite/pseuds/mongoose_bite
Summary: These are short Hartwin fics originally posted on tumblr. AUs are listed in the chapter titles. Chapters with nsfw content will also be marked.





	1. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse

Eggsy had been unfailingly cheerful. Honestly, it was starting to get on his nerves.

It had taken a while, of course. The first thing he’d seen when he’d opened his eyes was the white ceiling of the infirmary; a familiar and not entirely unexpected sight. The second thing had been Eggsy’s beaming smile as he leaned over him to make sure he really was awake and pressed the button and welcomed him back to the land of the living.

Eggsy buoyed him up, brought him whatever he asked for (even if the doctor’s forbade it) showed him pictures of his little sister, told him all sorts of classified things with blithe indifference to Merlin’s increasingly irritated ‘you aren’t supposed to know that yet.’

Harry was not a good patient. He was impatient. Time was wasting and being stuck in bed with shaky hands and persistent dizziness was boring and he had better things to do with his time. Eggsy agreed, and helped him do up his buttons and Harry snapped at him and asked him what he was doing playing nursemaid.

And Eggsy simply said he wanted to help. And he did. Harry wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to explain how grateful he was and he knew he was shit at showing it. He just wanted to go home. He was so tired of therapy.

But he missed Eggsy when he went away.

The better he got, the more he realised there was something odd about the whole thing. Maybe it was the way Eggsy had grown into himself and his place at Kingsman. Maybe Harry was just resentful he hadn’t been there to see it, to guide him. He’d polished himself and Harry could only watch and be proud.

He got to go home.

His house was just as he’d left it, but it felt cold and unlived in. Only the cleaners had been through to keep the dust down. And Eggsy, of course, who would fetch things that Harry required, all of which were now packed in the bags Eggsy maneuvered in through the front door.

“Good to be home, right?”

Harry said that it was.

He walked around his old rooms, reacquainting himself, reminding himself that it wasn’t another dream, while Eggsy carried his bags upstairs. He’d probably start unpacking them too, if Harry didn’t tell him not to. He didn’t want to rely on Eggsy; Eggsy deserved better than that.

He sat down at the kitchen table. It wasn’t as comfortable as the couch but he was a bit worried he’d have to ask for Eggsy’s help getting up again if he sat there. Please don’t be too old to recover from this, he asked himself. He heard Eggsy bound downstairs and braced himself for more relentless cheer.

“Do you want me to-” Eggsy broke off as Harry looked up at him. He stepped into the room, suddenly as shaky as Harry himself. He slid into the chair at Harry’s left and stared at him.

“Eggsy?”

“De ja vu, innit?” His voice cracked, and that endless smile finally fell from his face. Harry remembered the last time they were here; making breakfast, trading jokes, Eggsy made bright and sharp by nerves and anticipation.

It seemed like lifetimes ago.

Eggsy looked at him, his eyes shiny with tears. “I missed you.”

Harry held his hand out and Eggsy abandoned his chair in one swift movement. He flung himself into Harry’s arms and Harry found himself thinking, ah, there you are.

“I missed you too.” His tenderhearted successor, so brittle of late. Eggsy was trying to be gentle; Harry could feel his muscles straining not to squeeze and he hugged him firmly. He wasn’t made of glass. He was healing.

“I’ve been tryin’ really hard.”

“I know. You’ve done a wonderful job, putting up with me like this.”

“It wasn’t nothing.” He drew back slightly, staring at a button on Harry’s shirt. “I’d do anything for you.”

Ah. You silly, sentimental thing. “Then don’t feel you have to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. You’re a fine spy and a wonderful liar.” Eggsy smiled at that. “But I’d rather you cry on me than alone.”

“Alright.” Harry clasped Eggsy’s hand and Eggsy held his back. “I was going to ask,” he said, clearing his throat. “If you wanted a cuppa. When I heard you’d be coming back I even went and got some milk.”

“Yes. Thank you, Eggsy. In the living room perhaps. The couch might be more comfortable.”


	2. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse

They were alike as outcasts, the chav rising above his station on government money and the gent older than most of their tutors and some of their lecturers. 

Harry taught Eggsy not to hide how smart he was.

Eggsy taught Harry that it was possible to get gobbed off in the library without being caught.


	3. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse 2

“I’m going home, Merlin,” Harry said. “Everything can wait until tomorrow.” He didn’t miss the flash of concerned hesitation cross Merlin’s face. “What?”

“I think Eggsy’s in your house. I don’t know because he’s almost as bad as James was about not wearing his glasses.”

Harry sighed. He’d been, well he still was, looking forward to seeing Eggsy again. He’d missed him, and he was quite sure he’d been missed. But now? Still jetlagged, still not quite believing he was alive and home safe and mostly in one piece.

“Well, if he is there he’s probably asleep by now. I’ll see him in the morning.” Maybe wake him up with bacon and eggs, like he had that morning of their twenty-four hours. The expression on Eggsy’s face would probably make it worth getting up early.

“All right. Good luck. And welcome back, Harry.”

The house was quiet. Harry put his umbrella in the stand, next to Eggsy’s. So Merlin was right; he was here. He wasn’t asleep on the couch. He wasn’t dozing in Harry’s study, but Harry eyebrows didn’t start to rise until he confirmed that the spare bedroom was also empty.

“I suppose you’ve eaten my porridge as well,” he said, when he finally found Eggsy curled up in his own bed, only a few tufts of blonde hair protruding from the blankets. He’d missed him so much.

He turned to go, willing to relinquish the bed rather than disturb him, despite the numerous times he’d fantasized about being back in his own bed when Eggsy sat up with a wild expression blanket falling from his bare torso.

“What?” He was tensed for battle but he clearly hadn’t woken up entirely because he just sort of blinked at Harry in the gloom. “Harry?”

“I apologise for disturbing you, Eggsy.”

That seemed to break the spell. Eggsy flung back the covers and–Jesus Christ he was _naked_ –and flung himself into Harry’s arms. Harry could only catch him, as Eggsy squeezed his middle tight enough to make him wheeze and then loosened his grip in fear that he’d hurt him.

“You’re alive.” Eggsy seemed torn between sobbing and laughing. Harry patted him on the back, politely ignoring the expanse of bare skin plastered to the  front of his suit.

“So it seems. Eggsy.”

“Yeah?”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

Eggsy reacted like he’d been stung, stepping back and covering his crotch with his hands as his eyes darted around the room, presumably in search of pants. “I uh, didn’t bring any sleeping clothes, and well, I didn’t want to use yours although it was your bed so.” He seemed to realise he was digging a deeper hole with every word and he stopped. He looked at Harry and in the indirect light from the street outside, Harry could see him come to a decision. Do or die, that was his Eggsy.

Eggsy took a deep breath and threw his shoulders back, letting his hands drop to his sides. “That is, I’m your welcome home present.” He gave him one of his cheeky looks, and Harry could see it masked real nervousness.

“I see. It’s quite lovely.” He had no idea it was that easy to make Eggsy change colour. “Go back to bed, Eggsy.” Harry didn’t give his face a chance to fall; he never wanted to disappoint Eggsy again. “I’ll join you shortly.”

“Yes, Harry.”


	4. Harry/Eggsy Puppy School AU

Eggsy had made a promise to his mother when he’d brought the puppy home that he would take him to obedience classes and make sure he was properly trained.

Eggsy was starting to wish he hadn’t.

It hadn’t occurred to him just how _irritating_ some of the other owners would be. Okay how irritating _one specific_ owner would be.

Harry Hart was ridiculous. It was ridiculous to come to a dog training class in a suit, regardless of his day job. It was ridiculous to be so posh and polite all the time. It was ridiculous for such a tall man to have such a tiny dog. It was ridiculous to name any dog, regardless of size, Mister Pickle. And it was ridiculous and annoying and irritating and laughable and completely distracting to be so unashamedly besotted with said dog.

Mister Pickle was clearly spoiled. Harry was always petting him, smoothing down his silky fur with long fingers, gazing warmly into doggy eyes, and muttering the most endearing- no, embarrassing things.

No wonder JB was much better behaved. He got his belly rubs and head kisses at home, not in public. Harry seemed incapable of putting his foot down, and Eggsy couldn’t help but feel a bit smug when the instructor had to come round again and suggest that Harry be a little firmer.

Mister Pickle was shameless. Since Harry had no self-control he tended to run out of treats first, and then Mister Pickle would go looking for someone else who might have some during playtime. He’d approach wagging his tail and gazing up imploringly and Eggsy would ignore him, instead watching JB lose tug-of-war games with bigger dogs.

Today Mister Pickle was being especially insistent, nosing at Eggsy’s leg and whining.

“No!” Eggsy hissed, frowning, hoping Harry hadn’t noticed.

Of course he’d noticed. He walked through the dogs, smiling politely at them and frankly Eggsy half expected him to excuse himself for getting in their way.

“Oh…don’t cry,” Harry said, scooping his dog up and cradling him against his chest. “It’s all right.” He rubbed him behind the ears and honestly, Eggsy wasn’t sure he’d ever met a man so comfortable being so _gentle_. It was sort of admirable, he thought a bit grudgingly, and looked away when he realised he was staring.

“I must apologise,” Harry said. “He just doesn’t seem to be learning any manners.”

“Yeah well.” Eggsy shrugged. “He wasn’t jumpin’ up or nothin’.” He managed a tight, nervous smile. It was kind of startling, now their faces were closer, how similar owner and dog were.

JB had managed to steal a ball when the other dogs weren’t looking and bounded over with it as proudly as if he’d wrestled it free. Eggsy told him to drop it, and once he’d done so he tossed it across the room. JB didn’t have a chance; the other dogs were closer, but he gamely joined the pack.

“He’s a good dog,” Harry said, watching.

“Yeah,” Eggsy said fondly, smiling despite himself. He slobbered, he chewed, he demanded attention, and he was still a good dog.

Harry was watching him, now, and Eggsy wasn’t sure how to react.

“Would you like to get a drink sometime?” Harry asked with a kind of studied casualness that couldn’t be mistaken for indifference.

“Yeah.” Eggsy was answering before he’d even stopped to think about it.

Harry smiled, and for once he wasn’t looking at his dog. Harry handed him a card, and when he walked off Eggsy heard him telling Mister Pickle he was a good dog too, and did an excellent job, before sneaking him a treat from his pocket.


	5. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse AU

“I don’t think he’s going to show,” Merlin said into his ear, as Harry applied a poison pen to The Guardian’s daily crossword. He didn’t make any response because none was really needed; he’d been sitting in this rather seedy cafe for nearly half an hour, and had quietly given up on their informant making contact fifteen minutes ago.

Which could mean something important, or it could mean nothing at all, and with no further information he didn’t waste time thinking about it.

Maybe the crowd had scared him off. The cafe was quite full; people doing their best to keep out of what passed for English spring weather. He’d been hearing a small child gurgling somewhere behind him for some time now, and the rough-edged voice of her guardian (he’d heard the young man talk about ‘mummy and daddy’ in third person, so he wasn’t the parent himself) keeping her entertained.

As hard as he was working, the kid was clearly getting bored stuck in this cafe, and the gurgles were threatening to become a shriek.

“Hey Daisy, Daisy! ‘Salright, sweetheart, I got you. Let’s do somethin’ fun yeah. It’s still miserable outside. Can’t let you get a chill. I know! I got one word fer you: sing-along!”

“About time to leave?” Merlin suggested, as Harry refolded his newspaper.

“Quite.”

He was reaching for his umbrella when the young man took a deep breath and started to sing quietly.

“ _All I want is a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air_.”

Harry froze.

“He’s quite good, isn’t he,” Merlin said.

“ _With one enormous chair, oh woouldn’t it be loverly_?”

The child had quietened, making attempts to sing along. Harry grasped his umbrella and stood up, determined not to look back and stare.

“ _Someone’s head resting on my knee, warm and tender as he can be._ ”

He couldn’t quite make himself move.

“Harry,” Merlin said warningly in his ear. “This is a bad idea.”

He turned and looked, and heard Merlin sigh into his ear as he took in the young man singing earnestly to his charge, his face alight with affection.

“Oh, you old fool,” Merlin said. “You’re on your own.” A beep indicated he’d signed off.

“ _Who takes good care of me, oh wouldn’t it be loverly_?” He must have felt Harry’s stare because he raised his eyes and trailed off as he met Harry’s gaze.

Harry took a deep breath, and stepped forward to introduce himself.


	6. Harry/Eggsy Gladiator AU

Of course it would come down to them. The crowd had been waiting for it, booing through the lesser contests. He was old enough not to feel regret as he obeyed Ceasar’s gesture, and stepped over another twitching corpse.

Too old for this. His wounds had barely healed, and his ears rang with the shouts of the crowd, rendered distant and muffled by the helm that obscured his scarred, all-too-recognisable face. And Eggsy, working his way around the arena in the opposite direction, spitting back at the crowd, showered in flowers anyway, soon to be trampled into the bloodied sands. Magnetic, almost impossible to look away from.

He’d missed him.

He wondered if he’d recognise him. Arthur had looked bored for most of the fight, but as the last two gladiators standing started the long walk towards each other he leaned forward. He couldn’t afford to be distracted; Eggsy had improved so much in his absence.

No one could hear them out here, as they stepped up. The sun was in his eyes; a liability, but it lit Eggsy up, gleaming off his oiled skin, setting his fair hair ablaze. He must have recognized him at some point, because the mulish and miserable expression he’d worn thus far had dropped away, eyes wide, jaw hanging slightly. Of course he’d recognise him, how could he not, after all of this?

They didn’t have time to talk, to explain. He had to get across his plan-

“I love you,” Eggsy said, when there was no time to say anything else.

He raised his sword, something like hope fluttering in his chest. “Then let’s make it look good.”


	7. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse 3

Harry didn’t do ‘this is it’ moments. Even when Valentine had pointed a gun at his face he hadn’t really believed it was the end. The best Kingsmen died believing they were immortal, and Harry was no exception.

Of course, he’d come back, which had only proved him right, despite what the doctors said about ‘one in a million’ shot and ‘unreasonably lucky.’ You make your own luck.

He might be running out, however. Just a bit. Just like he was running out of solid ground, the waves dashing against the cliffs a hundred feet below him roaring hungrily as he counted his bullets, his back to a rock, as he listened to the engine of the pursuing car.

Never bring Oxfords to a car chase.

He was readying himself for yet another do-or-die last stand when he heard a different engine note in the background. He risked a glance around the rock in time to see a lone motorcyclist ride up alongside the car and murder everyone inside it with a pistol. The car veered off-course and then over the cliff as the cyclist came to a halt and grinned at him.

Harry let his shoulders drop, and holstered his gun.

“Eggsy, what are you doing here?”

“I heard you was in trouble,” he said, swinging one leg off the bike after kicking the stand down.

“You’re meant to be in Austria-”

“I know, I know. But like, I figured something out. And that mission was shite anyway. It wasn’t goin’ anywhere. It was so boring I started thinking things.”

“Heaven forbid.”

Eggsy grinned. “See? That’s what I like about you. Anyway, I have a sixth sense for when you’re in trouble. You want to know why?”

Harry was tired, and in pain, and concealing half a dozen minor injuries so he wouldn’t have to hang around in the infirmary once he got back to base, and as grateful as he was for Eggsy’s intervention he wasn’t in the mood for jokes or riddles or whatever Eggsy-

“I love you.” He said it with an air of smugness, of having one up on him.

Which, Harry supposed, he did. It had never occurred to him that Eggsy felt anything other than his overwhelming loyalty to those who’d treated him right.

“It was obvious. I dunno how I could have missed, how the fuck you missed it, you’re supposed to be the experienced spy.”

“Eggsy-”

“Anyway, fuck, once I worked it out I saw no reason not to tell you because the look on your face is fuckin’ priceless, mate. And you know, it don’t change nothin’ really except that I’m definitely not gonna let you die on my watch.”

“Eggsy.”

“I think we can both agree, I have ah-may-zing taste in men-”

Harry seized his face between his hands and kissed him firmly on his mouth, still open mid-sentence.

“I love you too. We have to get out of here.”

He released him and went over to the bike. He was astride it when Eggsy came to his senses.

“Wha- Really? Hey, that’s mine! Why do you get to drive?”

“Come along, Eggsy,” he said.

Eggsy frowned but climbed on the back, winding his arms around Harry’s waist.

“Did you mean it?” he asked quietly, as Harry started the bike.

“I don’t know how you could have missed it.”


	8. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse 4

“Valentine was right about one thing,” Merlin said. “Climate change is going to do us all in. Everything’s grounded, so I suppose we all get some time off at least until the snow clears. Clear out, the pair of you.”

“He was grumpy,” Eggsy said, as they strolled away from Merlin’s lab.

“He has trouble keeping his head warm in this weather,” Harry said and Eggsy wasn’t sure he if he was joking or not. “What are your plans for our impromptu break?”

“I’m gonna go home and try out my fireplace,” Eggsy declared; he hadn’t had a chance to try it out yet. “If Mum hasn’t already got it going.”

“Oh,” Harry said, with just the faintest trace of disappointment. “I do hope you enjoy it.”

“What are you going to be doing?” Eggsy asked suspiciously.

“Oh, nothing much. I thought I might go ice skating.”

“In this weather?”

“I’m not sure any other kind of weather would be appropriate,” he said, winding his scarf around his neck.

“Ice skating?” Eggsy eyed him disbelievingly, knowing, _knowing_ , Harry was leading him up the garden path, like he always did, and knowing he was going to follow anyway. “Right. Well, you have fun.”

“You’re welcome to join me, if your fireplace isn’t too tempting,” he added innocently.

“You’re the one whose bein’ tempting,” Eggsy muttered, scowling and trying to convince himself that he did not want to shiver his way around a blustery pond just because Harry was going to be there. He failed. “Alright, let’s go freeze our bollocks off.”

”First, you’ll need some skates,” Harry said serenely, a cat with cream now he was getting his own way, and he led them to the lift and down into the hanger.

Eggsy texted his mother, not really paying attention until Harry stopped and he nearly walked into him.”What are we doing here then?” he asked, glancing around at the gleaming array of cars.

”Why, getting some skates,” Harry said and gestured to the row of cars with his hand. “Don’t pick anything too skittish, mind. Merlin will be cross if we break anything, including our necks.”

Eggsy stared at him, considering the miles and miles of deserted, icy roads that stretched out across the countryside around them, and a slow smile stole across his face.

”I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

”No. Now, do try and keep up.”

“Oh, it’s on now.”


	9. Harry/Eggsy Firefighter AU

The fire had started in one of the townhouses, and the building itself was in danger of collapsing into its doubtlessly massive basement, and they were focusing on saving the houses either side. Eggsy’s team was the second to arrive, and when he got there a tall, frazzled gentleman in a suit was trying to get past Roxy into one of the houses next to the blaze.

“Please, sir, keep back!” She held up a hand, and Eggsy knew the bloke was lucky she hadn’t hit him with it.

“My house is still intact. I just need to get my dog,” he said. Instantly Eggsy’s irritation melted away; he had a dog himself, and he wouldn’t have hesitated to do the same thing. Nevertheless, it was best left to the professionals.

“I’ll get your dog, sir,” he said, jogging past. “Please wait on the other side of the street.”

“Um.” For some reason the gentleman looked startled to see him. “It’s really quite all right. You don’t have to.”

Eggsy shook his head; people in these situations tended not to be thinking clearly. He wouldn’t hold it against them. “Please keep back,” he said, and with obviously reluctance the civilian obeyed.

“He’s in the bathroom, second floor,” he called.

Eggsy waved to acknowledge him and headed into the house. It was still mostly clear of smoke; he could feel the heat starting to seep through from the house next door, but he was confident the dog would be fine.

The dog was not fine. The dog was dead. Dead for a good many years, Eggsy suspected, as he stalked out with the stuffed mutt under his arm and a few choice words for the beast’s owner.

To his credit he looked suitably abashed when Eggsy handed over the ornament in question. “I’m really terribly sorry for the trouble.”

“Yeah, well-”

“Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

“Oh.” Disarmed by the gent’s sincerity, and the sudden, saddening knowledge that sometimes this was all people _had_ , he shrugged. “‘S all part of the service.”

“If there’s anything I can do to repay you.” At Eggsys frown he relented. ”I’ll let you do your job.”

Eggsy hurried off and for the next few hours as the blaze was contained, he’d glance over occasionally, at the gent just watching with the dog under his arm. Sometimes he seemed to be talking to it.

Fuck it.

“You can repay me,” Eggsy announced, as the stranded residents started trailing back into into their homes. “Gimmie your number.”


	10. Harry/Eggsy Thief AU

It was a bad night to be out. Ill-omened. Bats littered the sky as the last of the light bled out behind fat, grumbling clouds, and the cries of night birds echoed weirdly down the streets, like they were still the lifeless canyons they had been once, all hard edged rock, unsoftened by wood and cloth and leather and humanity. Not a night for a taffer to be out; the guards would be mean and edgy, unhappy about being out on such an evening, and the townsfolk would bar their windows despite the heat, and the soft protective smother of darkness could be rent at any time by lightning.

It was not a night for staying home, either; claustrophobic and hot, every one of Eggsy’s edges flint that could strike the wall and set a blazing row. Best be out then. Best be up off the street, that smelled of hot tar and manure and rotting vegetables.

He’d stay away from windows tonight. Stay away from jewelry-boxes and unattended waistcoats and steal a breath of fresh air instead. He scrambled up the side of the buildings, scaling balconies and windowsills, sat on a roof and watched the clouds roll across the sky, lightning flicking like a serpent’s tongue.

Not enough; the night rumbled and shifted around him, goaded him. He sought higher air, above his station as a marketplace taffer, smelling perfume and roast meat from the high-walled houses further up. He swung on lightning-rods, balanced on beams across nighted streets, leaped like a cat across alleyways.

On any other night such risks would have to be carefully weighed against the rewards, any other night he’d have sweaty palms and a racing heart and he’d have to look down.

Not tonight. Up he went, ignoring boudoirs decked with silk curtains, windows left open safe behind high walls and guards and dogs. He heard no fine parties, no laughter; this wasn’t a night for that. Inching closer to the ceiling of the world, he was unsatisfied yet, despite being higher than he’d ever climbed before.

Eggsy gazed up at the cathedral. Well, it wasn’t like God was watching on a night like this, was it? It was if the devil himself had given him wings.

Gone was the smell of the city, and in its place a heady, rarefied mix of hot stone and incense and ozone, and rain, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He was among gargoyles now, hooking his fingers and feet into their gaping mouths and over their horns, and finally he rested, catching his breath, astride one of these creatures and half expecting it to shake itself loose from its perch and carry him off on stone wings.

Lightning again, and Eggsy frowned, sure there weren’t that many gargoyles earlier, blinking away the afterimages.

That one there. Not a gargoyle, and as soon as Eggsy realised it, it moved, getting to its feet and staring right at him. For one moment he wondered if the devil _had_ shown him the way here, and was now greeting him, but he had no horns, no cloven feet, just a cloak like Eggsy’s own and a piercing stare. 

Another taffer.

How had he managed to get up here, Eggsy wondered, entirely uncertain how he’d achieved the feat himself.

The stranger tilted his head, in clear, silent invitation, and Eggsy only hesitated a moment, looking down at the hundreds of feet he’d climbed, before turning his face to the sky and climbing higher.


	11. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse AU 2

“There you are,” he said, sitting down a polite distance away.

“Hello, Harry,” Eggsy said tonelessly, toying with the glasses in his hands before decisively folding the arms and putting them in the pocket of his suit jacket. “If that’s a name you’re still using.”

“I am rather attached to it.”

Eggsy nodded, although he could tell Harry was looking straight ahead out of the corner of his eye.

“You don’t seem very surprised,” Harry spoke again.

“I’m getting real good at hiding what I’m thinking,” Eggsy said. “Even from you.” He glanced up as he heard the first pops of fireworks; ever since that first mission he’d loathed them. He would have preferred gunfire, explosions, but another New Year was being peacefully ushered in. He couldn’t see anything through the dark foliage of the trees, but he could hear cheering as well.

“Here we are at the end of it,” Eggsy said, because Happy New Year didn’t seem appropriate.

“Oh my dear boy, no,” Harry said and Eggsy caved and looked at him properly. “It never ends. The game must always be played while the pieces still live.” He sounded apologetic.

“You love that.” It sounded accusing and it might have been.

Harry sighed. “I did.“

“Good luck out there.”

“Likewise.” Harry got to his feet. “This,” he hesitated. “This needn’t happen again.”

“It had fucking better!” Unguarded.

Harry smiled, finally. “As you wish. Happy New Year, Eggsy.” And he was gone.


	12. Harry/Eggsy Intern AU

“Well, there they are,” Gazelle said. “What do you think?”

Five men and five women. Thirteen degrees between them. Seven iphones in view. Three face piercings between them. Eight suits. Two skirts. Median age: twenty-three. Maximum age: fifty-three. Well, that explained why his resume had so much on it. Eggsy had insisted on looking at them as blind as possible, without identifying data on race, gender or age.

He looked like a swan among ducks; he had a gravitas and calmness that the others couldn’t hope to match. Still, Eggsy’s inner voice asked him, wasn’t he a bit _old_?

“Let’s get interviewing,” Eggsy said.

“I’m afraid I can only speak about it in general terms,” Harry said. “The details are classified.”

“So you was a spy,” Eggsy said, delighted. Harry didn’t reply, but he did smile faintly. Eggsy could feel Gazelle at his side thinking at him to stay focused.

“So, uh.” How do I put this, he wondered. “Why are you here? What do you want from this position?” Oh fuck did that sound dirty? It didn’t sound dirty in his head. Harry didn’t react so it was probably just him overreacting to those long legs crossed elegantly in front of him.

“Budget cuts. MI6 asked me to take early retirement,” he said the word with such distaste. “Assumed I’d take up golf or drink myself to death like most of them do.”

Eggsy blinked at his candidness.

Harry looked him right in the eye. “I think you’ll find there’s some use in me yet. Of course I’ve spent most of my career in the government sector, but there’s a great deal of crossover. Industrial espionage is still espionage. You will not find me lacking in relevant experience I promise you.”

“I can believe that,” Eggsy said.

Gazelle pointedly shuffled some papers. Yes, right. Well then. He thanked him for his time and said they’d be in touch.

“What do you think?” Eggsy asked, as the door closed at Harry’s back.

“I think you need to interview the others, even if you have already made up your mind. I’m also sending you a copy of our sexual harassment policy.”

“I would never-” he spluttered.

“You might not, but _he_ would. Isn’t that what spies do? Seduce their way into places?”

“That is so hot,” Eggsy said dreamily, while Gazelle heaved a sigh.


	13. Harry/Eggsy Wedding AU

Eggsy hated weddings. They seemed to bring out the absolute worst in people as everyone got stressed beyond their limits, drank too much, and decided to take it out on the staff. Posh weddings were the worst of the worst.

Everyone here was an utter knob, as far as Eggsy could see, as he glided around emptying trays of full glasses and filling them with empty ones. As far as he could tell, the bride and groom weren’t all that fond of each other, although they smiled perfectly for the cameras.

Eggsy had been on his feet for hours, trying to stay out of people’s way, and out of the photographs. Unmarried, or otherwise, members of the bridal group made passes at him, apparently under the impression the hen’s night had never ended, and he had to smile and take it.

The only person who’d thanked him for anything was the tall gent in the glasses, who seemed to be having about as much fun as Eggsy himself. He prowled around politely, but he too kept well clear of photographers and Eggsy caught him looking at his very expensive watch multiple times.

You and me both, mate, he thought.

It was nights like this that kept him from giving up smoking entirely, and on his break he sat outside to smoke and drink coffee. He was surprised to see the Grim Gentleman, as he thought of him, had also decided to take the air.

He nodded when he saw Eggsy and Eggsy nodded back. “Cheer up,” the Grim Gentleman said. “You only have to put up with them for one night.”

Eggsy smiled. “Can’t be all bad.”

“Oh, it is,” he said candidly, and strolled over to share some truly scurrilous gossip about the families in question.

“So if you don’t like any of ‘em,” Eggsy said eventually, watching the last few minutes of his break tick away. “Why are you here?”

“Oh that.” Harry, who had introduced himself by then, smiled. “Like you, I’m working. I’m here to assassinate the father of the groom.”

Eggsy gaped at him. He seemed quite serious. “Why are you telling me? Not that I’m sayin’ he don’t deserve it given what you said and all. You’re not gonna kill me as well, are you?” he asked, alarmed.

“No, of course not. I’m going to hit you with an amnesia dart. You won’t remember any of our conversation.”

“Oh. So you’re like a spy.”

“Of sorts.”

“I see. Hey, Harry.” Eggsy got to his feet. “Ask me out. Later. If you want. If you don’t it’s not like I’m gonna remember, right?” He put on his best grin.

“Well, you’re full of surprises.”

Eggsy jolted himself awake as he heard the sound of sirens. What the hell was going on? He must have dozed off on his break. He hurried back in to find the place in chaos. Someone had had a heart attack, apparently. One of the groom’s party, and it looked like the reception was well and truly over. Luckily, in the excitement it didn’t look like anyone had noticed Eggsy napping on the job.

He was collecting glasses when he realised someone was standing behind him. “Can I help you?” he asked.

The man in the suit smiled at him. “I’d like to think you could.”


	14. Harry/Eggsy Fantasy AU

“Don’t pull that face, Eggsy. It’s most unbecoming,” Harry said, tugging on his gauntlets.

Eggsy’s expression didn’t budge as he gently ran his fingers through Galahad (the Elder’s) feathers. The falcon was as eager as Eggsy was reluctant; he could feel the giant bird trembling with excitement when he’d put the harness on. All he wanted to do was fight; he’d been bred for it.

“You nearly didn’t make it back last time,” Eggsy pointed out, knowing it was useless but unable to stop himself. He’d been so scared when Galahad (secretly the Elder) had come winging his way through the autumnal dark, his rider limp and bloody in the saddle.

Eggsy had nursed the knight over winter, and in turn Harry had taught him history, statecraft, what it was to get lost in someone’s eyes, but no arts of war.

Eggsy didn’t want to be protected like this.

“The King demands only a rider and a bird from each estate. Let me–”

“Enough!” Harry snapped. “Do you not recall the fate of your father? I have never forgotten.”

Eggsy clenched his fists. He looked up from the floor when he felt Harry’s hand on his shoulder. “Take care of the place.”

“Come back,” Eggsy said.

“I think you mean win,” Harry said. He swung himself onto Galahad’s feathered back and Eggsy squinted against the backdraft as the bird took flight.

Eggsy hurried back downstairs into the kitchens. He was stuffing a bag full of bread and cheese and sausage when he realised someone was watching him.

Daisy was peering around the door, a suspicious look on her face.

“Cover for me with Mum, would you?” Eggsy asked her.

“She thinks you like someone. Always moonin’ off after a girl, she said.”

Eggsy smiled wryly. “It’s not a girl,” he said.

“Boys are stupid.”

“You ain’t wrong.” He paused to kiss her forehead before he headed out. She followed him at a safe distance.

When he was safely outside, beyond the strand of trees that surrounded the manor, he whistled shrilly and grinned as Galahad (the Younger) dropped from the cloudless blue sky, the sparrowhawk clicking his beak affectionately as Eggsy scrambled up onto his back.

As if he would forget for a moment that he was his father’s son, he thought, as he waved to Daisy and ascended towards the clouds.


	15. Harry/Eggsy Prison AU

“I ain’t no grass,” he’d said, and he’d paid for it, just like they promised him he would.

It had bought him what little status he had inside at least. It was something to be acknowledged, and he thought about his friend, still free, and it comforted him.

He kept to himself as much as he could. He wanted to get out and never come back, he didn’t want to owe favours or be owed, and he kept his head down, defended himself if necessary, and kept his mouth shut. 

Each new arrival was sized up, slotted into the hierarchy. One day, a toff arrived. They were rare here, and Eggsy looked at him, tall and slender in his prison fatigues, blinking behind his glasses and looking about him with an air of curiosity, and regardless of what he’d done Eggsy kind of felt sorry for him.

They’re gonna eat him alive, he thought. If he managed to catch him on his own at some point, he’d try and pass on some advice but he knew better than to interfere any further than that.

He needn’t have worried.

Ace’s head rebounded off the table in a shower of blood, and the guards were moving to break up the fight, but they weren’t moving all that fast. Their day was pretty boring as well, after all, and as long as no one died they probably thought it was best to let the prisoners work off steam.

Plus, it was sort of mesmerising. Harry’s movements were elegant, flowing like water until he came in contact with someone else and then they were utterly brutal, unhesitating.

They put him in solitary for a week. When he came out, no one said a cross word against him. It lent his pleasant air of politeness a kind of menace, although he invariably pleased and thanked anyone who passed him the salt. He didn’t say why he was here.

Eggsy studied him. What else was there to look at? Cast sideways glances at him in the showers, by now unsurprised to see the scars that littered his torso. Saw him in the library, got drawn into idle conversation, laughed for the first time in weeks.

This is so dumb, this is _so_ dumb, he thought, but couldn’t bring himself to step away. No one said a cross word against him now either. They probably thought Harry was buggering him in the stacks (and why wasn’t he again? Eggsy wasn’t game to ask.)

“Harry,” Eggsy asked one rainy afternoon, grey light filtering in through barred windows. “Why are you in here?”

And Harry smiled at him and set his book aside. He got to his feet and extended his hand, and bewildered, Eggsy took it, letting Harry pull him upright. “My dear Eggsy,” he said. “I’m here to get you out.”


	16. Harry/Eggsy Canonverse AU 3

Eggsy crouched in the bushes, planning his next move. Back towards the mansion there was more security, but the grounds were safer and he was more familiar with the area. If he could make it to a road he might be able to hitch a ride but, in this boiler suit he looked like an escapee from an extremely posh prison.

Which he supposed he sort of was, really. He could try the woods but there were mines-

There was someone walking in the minefield. He was dressed for hiking, sort of, and he had a satchel over one shoulder and a large net in his other hand. Eggsy expected him to get blown sky-high any moment. After thirty horrified seconds, Eggsy scrambled towards the minefield.

“Psst!” he shouted. “Hey, you!”

The hiker paused and looked around, and Eggsy beckoned him over frantically.

He ambled over, Eggsy flinching with every step. “Didn’t you read the sign?” Eggsy hissed.

“Sign? I’m afraid I must have missed it. Is there a bull?” Honestly the hiker wouldn’t have looked out of place among Dad’s colleagues, except for the fact that they were all homicidal maniacs to a certain extent, and Eggsy could sense that about them. This guy radiated harmless eccentricity, and Eggsy told himself it was sheer relief at meeting someone who couldn’t kill him five different ways with a pair of pinking shears that made him seem so pleasant.

“Uh, yeah. A bull. Look, this is private property I’m gonna have to escort you off. Sorry.”

“I see. Are you a groundskeeper?” He eyed Eggsy’s outfit with amused curiosity. “I’m terribly sorry to be a bother I can just-” He started to walk _back towards the mines_ and Eggsy grabbed his arm.

“No! Let me, uh.” Fuck it. He pushed his bottom lip forward a little and gazed up at him. “Escort you off, Mister?” Even if he didn’t offend him off the property, Eggsy had paid close attention to the lessons on flirting as misdirection and distraction.

“Well.” Ohh he was tempted. Eggsy could see it in his eyes and it was surprisingly gratifying. “Perhaps you could direct me?”

It was going to be twice as hard to get away while dragging a civilian around, but it was better than letting him find his own way and getting him blown up.

A thought occurred. “Do you have a car?” Eggsy asked hopefully. Maybe this exercise wouldn’t be a total balls-up. “And a name? I’m Eggsy.”

Harry was a plant. Because of _course_ he fucking was.

“So you talked him into giving you a lift,” Merlin said severely, looking at Harry even though it was Eggsy being debriefed. “But how did you talk him into smuggling you? You’re not supposed to make it easy, Galahad.”

“Who said I smuggled him?” Harry said mildly.

“Police cameras showed only one person in the car,” Merlin said.

“Oh that,” Eggsy cut in. “I just put my head on his lap.”

“All the way to London?” Merlin asked incredulously. “How’d you talk him-” Merlin sighed and lowered his clipboard. “I knew this was a bad idea. I knew it.”

“Don’t tell my dad, please.”


	17. Harry/Eggsy Kindergarten AU

“You can’t,” Felicia said. “You’re a _boy_.”

Harry didn’t look phased at all. “There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to play house. Boys and girls can do both.”

“No you _can’t_!” She raised her voice a little but Harry didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m going to live in a house someday, aren’t I?” Harry said reasonably, and faced with this unarguable logic Felicia took refuge in tears, shrieking at Harry until the teacher came over to reprimand him for picking on the girls.

Eggsy didn’t get it. He wanted to be cool, to have all the neat stuff the other boys did, to run around and be friends with them. Harry didn’t care. He wanted to play house and watch butterflies, and it kind of pissed Eggsy off, but also, well, it pissed him off that other people objected. What business of it was theirs?

Harry wandered off, looking a bit dejected but still defiant. Eggsy kicked a rock. He knew what he should do, but it was difficult. Eventually, with a sigh of resignation directed at his own conscience, he approached the other boy.

“You wanna play with me?” he asked. It’s not like people were queuing up to play with him; not with his cheap clothes.

Harry regarded him warily. “I want to play house.”

“Can we play sword-fighting after?” Eggsy recognised an immovable object when he saw one.

“Yes.”

“We need a telly!”

“We need a fireplace!” This house business was more involved than Eggsy thought. It wasn’t so bad though. They already had a lift (a part played by the slide) and a tree was drafted in to be ‘the east wing of the mansion.’

Harry watched the girls monopolizing the dolls. “This house isn’t right. Let’s have a baby.”

Eggsy was not in a million years going to go over there and ask for a doll. If Harry couldn’t do it, with his designer playclothes and poshest accent, he certainly couldn’t.

“Here.” Harry handed him something. “Hold him carefully.”

A pine-cone. Eggsy cradled it awkwardly. Pinecone Baby turned out to be a quiet and agreeable child, who stayed where he was put. They sat at the base of the tree, their spiky child in Harry’s lap.

“Thank you for playing with me,” Harry said quietly. “This is nice.”

“‘Salright,” Eggsy said, a bit struck by Harry’s earnest feeling. “What else do we need to do?”

“Can we cuddle?” He looked apprehensive, and Eggsy wondered if his Mum cuddled him enough.

“I guess.” He put his shoulder against Harry’s and Harry leaned into him, smelling of pine needles and laundry detergent. His curls tickled Eggsy’s cheek. It was kind of nice. He wrapped an arm around him like his Mum did, and Harry blinked at him owlishly, like he was memorising his face.

“What’s all this?” Charlie and his friends. Eggsy’s stomach clenched. “Why are you playing with him?” Eggsy wasn’t exactly sure which of the two of them he was talking to.

Harry watched him warily.

“Tch! What’s this?” He kicked Pinecone Baby, sending him skittering across the ground and Eggsy felt a sudden flare of anger.

“We ain’t bothering you!” Eggsy said and the recoiled as Charlie turned on him, smirking to finally get a reaction.

“Yes you are.”

“What do we do now?” Eggsy asked, wondering where the teacher had got go. Charlie was pretty good at timing his attacks to make sure they weren’t watching.

Harry patted him on the hand and got to his feet, picking up a stick as he did so. “Now we play sword-fighting,” he said.


End file.
